eBay + Insomnia = Financial Ruin

Ruin, roo-ween, ruuuueeeeen. Ever see that episode of Family Guy? No? Ok.
I’ve been having an enormous amount of trouble sleeping lately. It doesn’t seem to matter what my activities are during the day- I’m zonked while the sun is up, ready to party when it sets. Brian is the opposite, early to bed, early to rise, healthy, wealthy, wise etc. This is a bummer on a few fronts:

1. I’m awake right now, he is not.

I’m being fairly productive (as productive one can be at 1:30), reading, writing, job hunting, whatnot. Brian sees this blob still asleep at 10 am, after he’s been up for hours reading, writing, job hunting, whatnot. Makes me look lazy. I am just tired, then not tired.

2. eBay is bait for insomniacs.

Will that supposedly genuine antique coral cameo brooch end up selling for more than the $27.95 the Buy it Now is listed as? Yes? Yes? C’MON! $32, MARIE MCINTOSH, COME ON DOWN. Watching other people’s eBay bidding wars is almost as satisfying as winning my own (did not participate for said brooch, it was insanely ugly).

3. So is Wikipedia

I think in the last 3 months, I have wikipedia’d all the presidents, all the cast members of Twilight, the plots for all of Bret Easton Ellis’s novels, an embarrassing assortment of celebrities, including Justin Bieber (i did not know who this person was, causing a stir on twitter all the time), the city of Ypsilanti Michigan, catnip, sleep deprivation, the DTs, Cheddar cheese, bagels, LGBT people in prison, some kind of hallucinogen produced by the gases found in rotting feces (jenkem), the Lindbergh kidnapping…and it gets more pathetic from there.

4. Oh, hi Etsy, you too?

Staring at hand-knitted baby hats ’til my eyes bleed.

5. Snuggles wants to party!

And mama wants to sleep. My patience for hairy, noisy beasts with bad attitudes and a habit of chasing my feet under the blankets as I toss and turn wanes noticeably as the wee hours get wee-er. I love my cat, but, Snugs? If you’re reading this? We are not KISS- we rock and roll and do our partying during daylight hours only.

Any suggestions, internet? Reliable, non-addicting, preferably legal sleep aids not including warm milk or a hangover?

Silver ring is one of my late-night eBay scores- $5!

I’d just like to point out that aside from being tired, my face also looks haggard because it’s greasy with alpha-hydroxy. I burned my face on a “blackhead-eliminating masque” yesterday. Had I left it any longer, it would have exfoliated me into “entire head eliminating masque” territory. Just saying, I’m not usually this gross, but it’s a good representation of how I feel at the moment.