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Brace face, tinsel teeth, tin grin.

One of my favorite evening activities is to crawl into bed in my totally ironic Ed Hardy sweatpants (omg I forgot to post pictures, they are truly heinous) (also purchased at a Marshall’s for $15, as opposed to the $120 they were originally listed for. Even ugly bargains make me scream with joy) and reading archived blog posts from some of my favorite online people, because I am a compulsive neurotic with time to kill.

So, my new favorite is Evany Thomas, a blogger located in the Bay Area. And she always morphs statements into questions? Which I think is so cute? And has an adorable infant? Anyway. I’ve been reading some of her back entries and found this one and just about fainted with desire, freaked-outedness. She often posts cool things she finds while shopping online,  and most of it is really neat stuff, but because they’re archives, a lot of the ebay/etsy stuff is gone. But this?

This is something I totally covet- from AreaAware.

I keep having this frequently-recurring dreams, or I guess a frequently-occuring theme in my dreams, where I’m me, almost 24, Doin’ My Thing, and damnit, my teeth ache! And my gums itch! And there is a ton of saliva pooling beneath my tongue! I then realize, gosh, I have retainers in my mouth, which, um,  I haven’t done for 10 years at least! But I’m not surprised by them, probably because I had some sort of orthodontic mechanism in my mouth for the better part of the first decade I spent with actual teeth.  So, anyway,  I take them out to the horror of those in conversation with me, and stick them in my jeans pocket. And then things go smoothly and a palpable relief swells in my heart, which actually happens in my slumbering state, and I wake up thinking I have to make sure I remember to keep the retainers in their case or else they’ll get pocket fuzz on them.

Anyway, I’d love to turn this talisman of my teen angst into a keepsake charm to protect me from orthodontic demons. So, be on the lookout for chrome spray paint or any other way I could make this happen. Because, this WILL be mine, made from MY retainers to symbolize the blood, sweat and tears shed at the John W Wynn Middle School in Tewksbury, Massachusetts. And because I love arts and crafts.

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