I say: Assimilate

Are zombies like vampires, where if they eat you or whatever it is they do, they turn you into a zombie too?

If that's the case, we should just let them eat us and become a zombie population. We shouldn't be culturally chauvinistic just because we don't [...]

Move to San Francisco Because it’s late March, and I am still wearing thermal underwear. Because I LIKE it when people are nice to me when ordering a bagel. Because I want to study the history of the American West, and you can’t do that in the East, except at Yale, and who wants to [...]

“They’re O.R. scrubs.” “Oh, are they?”

I watched this movie recently, and I can't think of anything funnier right now. Wes Anderson runs a little hot and cold for me, but man, i laugh at this one more and more every time i see it.

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Been thinking more about this one. So, I googled "as seen on TV" and apparently there's an official website for items tagged with that phrase (www.asseenontv.com). There are more ads for hair removal devices than just about anything else. I love the names of some of these things too- the image that "Slap Chop" conjures [...]

Our new Ronco rotisserie!

I haven't had TV channels since August, and before that had a DVR which eliminated my exposure to commercials entirely. Still, SHAMWOW and Snuggies happen to be SO ubiquitous that I know what [...]

Pooh vs Jaws. Summer blockbuster alert!

Beets. Bears. Battlestar Galactica.

Because there isn't a company called build-a-shark. I would just build a bear that could kill a shark. Maybe Bear Scissorhands or Poison Bear.

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Beats Tootsie by a nose.

Mrs. Robinson, you're trying to seduce me.
Aren't you?

Benjamin Braddock is one of the most endearing characters in any movie I've ever seen. He's got this false confidence, this then [...]

Mozzarella I particularly hate it when Italians, or people with Italian pretensions call it MOOTZARELL. Fuck that. No one else calls croissants QUASON, so make like the French and be phonetic.

Boyfriend I wish this word didn’t exist. Or at least I was able to refer to Brian as my companion without people thinking [...]